Booked our flights! :)

YES!! :)

the resort and the whole trip's itinerary is still in the works, but their rates won't really change as fast as the airlines...

I'm so happy!! :)) will my true girl friends please get me tons of bathing suits on my shower party (if they're throwing me one)? :) and I will also need a rashguard :))

Another vanity post? Read it then tell me.

Okay so its February.
Just a few months to go before the big day comes.

Yes, its the day that I might have been dreaming of for a long, long time - guilty as charged. Of course, when I think of my wedding day, I imagined myself to be as svelte and as beautiful as I can ever be. The terms radiant, blooming, effortless, chic, gorgeous and even goddess-like might have come up.

Okay, I may have a bit too much high regard for myself. My parents brought me up telling me I'm beautiful, which has been reaffirmed by some third party like relatives and friends. So I might not have gotten over that.

Lately though, I have been feeling like I look like crap. Should I blame it on the hormones and the lack of exercise? I don't know. Its just that I'm supposed to be radiant already, but instead I look dull and tired. My main problem though, is my figure. I've put on so much weight that I could almost pass for a gay-bride. It's because I'm not the chubby type. I'm big-boned and bulky so I don't look cute like some plus-sized brides. I''m meant to be long and lean. So now I look masculine. Its so sad. I'm supposed to be at my prime, but at the look of it, it seemed like I've already let myself go.

I saw wedding pictures of a batchmate of ours on Facebook. She looked absolutely stunning and beautiful. I was so jealous. Well, she has always been one of the prettiest girls in the batch. Of course, we're way past that.

Its just that, when I look at other brides, they seem so radiant, so calm and collected. And I look at my reflection in the mirror - big face, double chin, facial hair and all, so I thought, am I gonna be the only awkward-looking bride in history? Will I be the first exception to the connotation that brides are the most beautiful on their wedding day?

NO. I should not let that happen. I'm fighting it. I claim that I will be beautiful on my wedding day. Come on, its not like a total makeover and transformation is required. I believe that I have the "goods", so there's really no need to pull off a miracle. I need to look better though; the best that I can be. If I have to work doubly, even ten times hard for it, I would. There's no surrender. I still have some more months to go. To lose two sizes, to have fairer skin; to load up on all that Vitamin C and E which will supposedly give me a radiant glow. And those skin products, I'll take all that I can; and to exercise as much as I can, at least three times a week. And I need to go back to boxing.

Why am I so into this? Well, aside from the fact that I have dreamed about this day for a long, long time so less than stunning is simply unacceptable, its because I'm marrying the man of my dreams. And for the longest time that we have been together, I have strived to be the girl in his. To be the best person, girlfriend, friend, partner that I can be - his dream girl. And our wedding day will sort of be the culmination, the affirmation that indeed, I am that girl. The girl he wished to be with for the rest of his life. The face that he will see when he opens his eyes in the morning. I want him to take one look at me and know, right at that moment, that he made the right choice.

Just yesterday, as we were discussing wedding preps over email, I realized that Babe was getting so anxious about the wedding budget. So I asked him why, and the next words he said just moved my heart from its very core: "Mahal na mahal kita Ming. I want you to be the star on our wedding day, at gagawin ko lahat para matupad yun." Those words alone, and the boxing match is over. I've already won first place, if life was a race.

When I walk in, I want people to think, even for a split-second, that Babe is the luckiest guy in the world for marrying me. And not that I'm this girl who just got lucky someone loved her enough to marry her at that state. Both are kind of true though. I'm lucky, he's lucky. We are both very blessed to have found our true love, at an early age, so they say.

I know thinking and talking about my appearance too much may sound so superficial, but really, I will only get married once. Is it so bad to want something that will give you great memories for the rest of your life?

When I'm old and wrinkly, I want to be able to look at my wedding photos and remember how I, beautiful and still in my prime, married the love of my life and lived happily together forever.

About the dress - somebody stop me! :P

(January 12, while Babe is asleep)

I haven't told you yet how much I love my wedding dress... :))

If there's one aspect of the wedding that I have daydreamed about most, next to the groom of course, it would be the dress. I know, its the girly-girl in me. Long before I have been engaged, I was already dreaming about my wedding dress. I have sketched it many times; pictured in my head that long white dress, with a beautiful train, flowing with me as I walk down the aisle. You know how some girls have that wedding dress dream, some girls don't. I do. In fact, its one thought that relaxes me and puts me to sleep at night. What? It's a girl thing.

So, when did I know that Tito Dan would be making my wedding dress? Maybe during Kuya JB at Ate Tina's wedding, when I saw the bride walk down the aisle in a Dan Cadiz creation. It was simple yet stunning. Probably the most simple from him that I saw. But the bride was so confident and felt pretty in her wedding gown. That moment, I knew that there was no looking elsewhere.

Tito Dan and I have been kinda chatty for several years now since Mama, Kaye and I would always go to him when we are in need of a dress for events; Kaye's debut, her prom, my graduation, a relative's wedding, and all those years, he hasn't let us down. We just come up with the cut, a design, something simple we saw from a magazine or on TV, and he gives us something... bonggacious - sorry, there is just no suitable alternative for the word. What he makes for us is always prettier than we imagine. Sometimes we are taken aback by his boldness to create such a design for us, but he is always confident that we can pull it off. He treats us like his muses which is why I'm always comfortable with him and his designs.

Now about the design that he made for me... for this one particular dress that will be the culmination of all the gowns I had in my life.

So I showed Tito Dan a picture I saw in a magazine. Its a dress by Romona Keveza, an international fashion designer. Its really just simple but elegant and romantic. Girly but not princess-y. Or maybe it is somehow a princess dress, but not a Cinderella ballgown. So I explained to him what I'm visualizing (as a client, I'm very expressive on what I want, and keen on details): the cut, the color, the texture and weight of the fabric; the restrictions - not too low on the front (I don't want to get in an argument with Babe about it on our wedding day), minimal beadwork. Instantly after that, he sketched a dress for me. And it was beautiful. It's flirty, flowy, offbeat and romantic. It wasn't exactly how I pictured my wedding dress to be, but unexplainably, I was blown away.

It wasn't the dress I saw in my head a thousand times, but one look at it and I knew it was me. Maybe its not me in my constant state yet, but its the woman that I want to be. Its the dress I want to wear when I'm meeting the love of my life down the aisle. It was gorgeous and breathtaking. I loved it instantly and I'm so excited to see it come to life and wear it.

I know I just saw the initial sketch, but I already have a good, unshakable feeling about it. I know Dan Cadiz wouldn't disappoint. After all, he waited a long time for this, he said so himself. Which is why I'm very confident that it's gonna turn out beautifully.

Now that the arrangements for the dress have been made, I only have to work on the body, which should do justice to the dress. I need a leaner frame by mid-February or the end of February when I would be having my measurements taken. Like Tito Dan said, I'll get married only once, when all eyes would be on me. So I should do whatever is needed to look and feel beautiful on that day. Diet and exercise it is. I can do it, I know I can. All for the dream dress and my babe's face when he sees me walking towards him. See? the groom is always number one on my daydream list ;)

(Sorry, I can't post pictures of the peg and the sketch. I want it to be a surprise for most.)

City Hall visit - January 4

(wrote this in Hillsborough Court, while Babe is playing basketball with our friends)

We went to the City Hall this morning to inquire about getting a Marriage License at the Civil Registry. As I expected, we weren't able to apply because it's still not within the four-month validity. We have to prepare the documents though in time for Babe's arrival in May, then we can apply.

There wasn't much action there and we were even out of the City Hall in 15 minutes, but well, doing or taking care of the legal requirements kinda says "This is It" for me. This wedding is really happening. It's like Babe's saying "Sure na!" in a game show and whether he wins or loses, he'll stand by his answer. He's ready to spend the rest of his life with me, and we're getting some papers to prove it. Yay! :)) It makes me feel giddy and super excited for another great life. More happy days ahead!

Pamamanhikan

January 3 was our Pamamanhikan! :)

It was, if I could say so, the easiest, lightest pamamanhikan in Philippine history. I was even nervous the night before, because of all the horror stories our friends told us about the dreaded event. But our version would probably be the lightest, most stress-free version of the tradition.

My meeting with Babe the night before the event was even more serious than the event itself!

It was fun, the food was great, the conversation was light. My parents were such gracious hosts! Papa tried to chat up every single member of Babe's family, which is a big deal, because usually my dad just goes down for a while then stays in his office every time there is a party in the house. But he sat there and talked to them while the dining room was being set. Of course, Mama made each one very comfortable like she always do. Babe's family was quiet, but very pleasant. They were on time and very well-prepared.

When the food was ready, we all proceeded to the dining area to have lunch. Papa led us all into prayer. It was short but really good. What do you expect? I got my impromptu speech and writing skills from him.

After lunch where we everyone casually chatted, Babe and I called the meeting to order. Its so like me to call everyone to their places so that we could get the agenda moving. As to be expected from this O.C. Bride, we prepared a script that I asked Babe to discuss. And as to be expected from my ever-charming groom, he brought the laughter to the table. The talk about the wedding was brief; I guess its because almost everything has been taken cared of (by Babe and I) and they didn't have to worry about anything. Plus the fact that we have a mind of our own and they don't have much say about the matter. It helped that they were all open-minded too. As long as we're happy, everybody's happy. I hope everyone had fun.

My brothers sure did. At first they were shy around Babe's family, but they loosened up eventually, even oversharing about me. All my silly quirks, my embarrassing habits, all exposed for Babe's family. They even said that they already traded me for Babe's PS3 games and a controller. In my defense, Papa said some good things about me as well, but mostly about their happiness that I was bringing a good man into the family. More embarrassing stories about me and more praises for Babe. Hahaha.

What made me happiest though is that Babe came very well-prepared. I saw three or four long-sleeves in the car, because he might need to change into something more formal. He arrived later than his family because he bought flowers for me. Its because it was our fifth anniversary; we celebrated it by having the pamamanhikan. I loved that he bought me flowers. It was really sweet , because even on our fifth year when we have gotten so comfortable with each other, he still knows what will make my day and he made an effort to make me smile. I love him to pieces. How did I get so lucky? :)

And so, with that tradition done and they have formally asked for my hand in marriage, we're even more excited for the big day and our family shares that excitement with us. :)

I know, its been a while...

This is me, re-writing.

What's my excuse for not updating this blog in a while? I know you've been hearing 'its pretty busy' a lot from me lately, but that is really the reason I'm not able to update this blog as much as I want to.

After finishing my project with work, I went on directly to being the best sister and daughter and friend that I could be: went with my sister for errands, Christmas shopping; it was a long list we needed accomplished before Babe arrives. And when he did, busy became me. I was with him almost 24/7, trying to get things done for the wedding. And making the most of his vacation here: trips to the dentist, dermatologist, physician, basketball games, out with friends, with family, out of town trips, visiting friends, buying stuff, pamamanhikan, etc. Of course, there were the holidays Christmas and New Year, and the birthday streak here in the Labayen household.

I'm catching my breath just now, after he left... and while looking for a part-time job at the same time. It's been a great month though, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

The good news is, I can finally go on full-blast with the wedding preps! :) Yaaay!!

And, while I was "on-leave," my parents got me a journal that I can bring with me anywhere. Of course, I was only able to write on it after the pamamanhikan, and you'll never guess where I do most of my writing. In basketball courts while Babe is playing basketball, or when he's still asleep in his room. I was THAT preoccupied when he's with me and he's up. I loved every bit of it though. I know I'm liking having the free time now, but I would rather have him close to me while I write.

Anyway, here are some bits about the wedding that I wrote on my journal. I'm so excited to re-write the part about my wedding dress! :))

Here is Cams the bride, and she's back on blogspot!

Learnings on Ondoy

This blog was supposed to be just about why I needed to wait for a week before I can buy a particular magazine of wedding inspirations. But then Ondoy came and devastated Manila, and then the wedding magazine became the last thing on my mind. I couldn't even talk about the wedding for sometime. It seemed insensitive and untimely to be talking about such a joyous celebration when you know people firsthand, who have been badly affected by the storm.

When I first saw and heard about it on the news, I was heartbroken. To actually hear about stories of people drowning and dying in the flood, or getting lost; families couldn't get in touch with each other and people need to go up to the roof to be rescued. Even when they have second floors. I never imagined that happening in Manila and even if it was already happening, I couldn't believe it. It was so surreal.

The ultimate conflict I was battling with was trying to figure out a way to help out. Each time an opportunity arises when I can donate to charity, volunteer for a cause and help the needy (in a legal way), my heart always skips a beat. I used to want to become a social worker. Its even natural that I fell in love with the most generous guy in the world, he makes me feel like a slacker in that area. Its just that, in my entire life I feel that I have been so blessed, continuously being blessed. How can I not share these blessings to others when everyday, an overflowing supply comes to me? So in a time like this, it felt like an instinct to go and reach out, and offer my time to volunteer. But alas, I was caught up in the whole corporate jungle. I had a deadline for my project at work and it needs most of my time to be able to complete it. So while my mom was cooking pansit to give to friends and families whose houses were badly hit by Ondoy, my dad and brothers were joining rescue operations, and my sister was doing volunteer work in the many relief operations area around the metro, I was either at home, stuck in front of the computer, trying to complete materials for a project, or in the office, working as usual. Two members of our team were also affected by the storm, and my boss was sick, so I had to be a team player and take on some work, stay in the office. More than anything though, my heart longed to be out there, helping and doing something relevant. Anyway, I managed to help out in my own little way as I was restless until I felt that I did my part.


And so... with the calamity that was Ondoy, and the scare that was typhoon Pepeng, I had some realizations. I know, by now, most of us have learned a thing or two because of this. I just wanted to share mine in this forum because as brides slash future (or present) homemakers, we need a firm grasp of what's important and valuable. Kinda basic, and we should all know them by now, but here they are anyway:

• When you're single, its easy to just go through life without a care in the world and take it one day at a time, but I realized that when you get married and (soon) become a mom, you will need to do so much more than exist. You need to know the proper values to teach your kids; you need to learn to lead by example. I am so much prouder and more appreciative of my mom now as I realize how much time I have left under her care. 'Charity begins at home is so true' and she is a clear manifestation of that. She always encourages us siblings to give more, be more generous with each other and those who aren't as fortunate. Same with my dad. He is not indifferent and he would extend our home, our possessions to people who need it. Growing up, we saw them devote their time, talents and treasure for worthy causes. I'm not trying to brag, but I think they did a pretty good job in instilling the value of giving to us. So while other friends and relatives were worried about their farms and pets in Farmville and Fish World (no offense to those who are into these, but really?! in times of calamity and other people are stranded and hungry?!), my siblings and I are in search of ways to be able to help, volunteer and assist those who are in need. Just like charity, apathy begins at home too. So before you dream of making and raising kids, think if you already have the right values to teach them. Do you want your kids to have the same character as you? If you're not yet sure, please do not "go forth and multiply" just yet.


• Note on giving: if you have an item in your closet that has been sitting there for more than a year, then it's not your property anymore. It's charity's. You are merely keeping it for the person who would have better use of it than closet-filler. With my hectic sched at work, getting clothes out of my closet was really the best I could do. Given how much of a packrat I am, I have clothes that I kept since my early college days, hoping I would slip back to my college girl body and wear those clothes again. But then, when my friend told me about this sermon she heard from the priest (one of the few times she was actually listening in mass), it was an eye opener. I realized, I have been keeping those clothes for so long thinking I "could" wear them again. But I know I won't. What, will I just keep them there til God knows when? While there are some girls out there who literally have nothing else to wear. So along with my sister, I took a good look at all our clothes and, with eyes half-closed, decided to give away those clothes that are still good, but we don't use anymore. Yes, you actually learn what giving is all about until it hurts. It's hard to part with old clothes, possessions you have had for years. You know when most girls are into shoes, some girls are into bags, I am most of a clothes-person. Memories about how happy I was when I got them, or how good I felt when I wore them keeps replaying in my mind. But am I gonna let that hold me back from putting a smile in another person's face? It was kinda sad to let go of that perfect pink top that I bought years ago, probably the nicest pink top I have ever had, but, in my head, I see a sigh of relief from girls who may just have found the perfect pick-me-upper that she badly needs. Anyway, the feeling was great...priceless if I may say. And I now have more room for new clothes, and a chance to update my wardrobe ;) and with the truckload of blessings that keep coming, I know a new perfect pink top will get to me soon :)
  
• But as much as we can give away and get rid of anything we want, we also need to learn to value the things we have and see if we really need to acquire new things. With the Ondoy calamity, I have been reminded of the value of money. I always say, "I need a new top, new shoes, stuff for my room, etc." But come to think of it, they aren't really needs. They are just wants I turned into needs. I look at my current office clothes, shoes and bags and I see that they're still okay. A bit worn-out, but still wearable and functional. No need to buy new stuff just yet. Because the amount that I spend on those little things that I claimed I needed can be spent helping out those who lost all their possessions. Also, we should learn to value every single thing that we have. Use them properly, maximize them. We can't bring them to our grave, we can't have them forever; sooner or later they will just disappear and we're lucky if they won't be washed out by a flood. Lets enjoy them while they last.
• I have never been so proud to be a Filipino. Smiles, unity and heroism in spite of the tragedy. Only in the Philippines.
• Family is the most important. I'm grateful that all of my relatives were safe during the storm. You can acquire new furniture, a new car, new house, but a family is irreplaceable.
• Most of all, keep the faith. PRAY. In the face of fear and panic, prayer calms us. It gives our minds clarity and peace, even for a short period of time. Its easy to believe all the doomsday talk with the series of tragedies happening, but it will not help, lest we become more anxious and afraid. Its funny how people go to church and hear mass and say they trust the Lord, but when difficulties arise, they forget all about the goodness of God. He is our creator, master of the universe, and He is our Father. Even logic concludes that a father who loves His children will not take away something from them, especially if He created it for them. Its just impossible in my book. We are loved, and the Lord is a faithful God. He is king over the flood. He's all over the place. Just be still; have faith.

These are just some of my learnings. It may be little teachings, but its a big deal if we try to live by it everyday. I hope, that I continue to acquire these lessons, even on ordinary and beautiful sunny days that lie ahead :)

Post on my wedding preps to follow soon, I wish ;)