I'm getting married. :)
(super heartfelt smile follows. the kind that makes your stomach hurl in anticipation)
June 18, 2009 started with heavy rain, and I prayed that this would not be the case next year. Thankfully, this time (quarter to four, which would be the assembly time for our wedding), the sky is blue, partly cloudy, but not raining.
The previous blog was a 'one year before the "big event" updates.' This one, is some sort of a reflection-kilig mode entry. So, yes, its time to put up the WARNING: LONG READ sign.
The new old songs in my iPod had me nostalgic of all the stupid, somehow desperate moments of singlehood. Bittersweet memories. I realized how I yearned for all the drama before. When I would tune in to Dreamsounds (Wave 89.1) every night and wait for all the senti songs that reminded me of a boylet and cry just because of a song. And I would devote a lot of time to contemplate on the failure that was my lovelife. What a waste of time that was now that I think about it, but not really, because I am a writer. It was in those moments of solitude that I poured my heart out in words. I have this diary where the other side was a happy heart, and the other was a broken heart. That phase pretty much filled the latter. But I wrote really great stories of heartbreak and unrequited love then, some even got me excellent grades in my creative writing class. Maybe somehow, my journal was my constant companion and never left my side on those days. So, its safe to say, that writing is my first love.
Somehow, I realized that I was attracted to drama, to heartache then. I loved post-relationship phases. When, together with my college friends, I would get second helpings of chocolate cake, just because we're depressed and unlike boys, food has always been good to us. If a relationship ended (boylets lang, Babe is my first OFFICIAL and SERIOUS boyfriend), I'd wallow in misery, but I'd take it all in, with arms wide open. I would stalk, try to reconnect with these guys even, and stay in the pain for as long as I can. I was miserable. I didn't care if they got girls pregnant, even if they made the moves on a friend, even if they had a really long conversation with a girl they just met, right in front of me, when it was I who surprised them for their birthday! Those were really painful moments, but it was during my so-called rockstar phase (gone drinking almost every day, skipped classes) that I realized, this should be the end of an era. There must be something better for me. Like Brooke in Tree Hill, I wanted to be the lead in my own love story. I realized I wasn't gonna get married soon, so why rush? I told God I will wait, I will serve, but I will not settle for less. If He played favorites, I should be one of them.
So I served, I spent time with friends, I prayed more. I tried to become a better person for myself, and not for anyone else. And then, at the most blessed time, there he was. Not really waiting in the wings, but just there for me. As a brother, as a friend. I remember our first serious conversation when he told me, that if he was the guy I liked, he would never hurt me and let me go. I didn't pay attention to it then as I was preoccupied with another guy. So there. We were both serving, we'd exchange mini-hugs, he'd make fun of me, so hard that at one point I almost cried. But I knew he genuinely cared for me. There was this one time when I was visiting my best guy friend in the same village where he lives. If you know my friend and I, we could talk for hours and not get tired. And there he was, he stayed on and chatted with us over isaw. And that was when I realized I was looking forward to spending time together. We began to text constantly, have stolen moments in friendly gimmicks, and I guess, the rest is history.
At the end of every "relationship" that I had, I always believed that this certain guy was my "one great love." Why? Maybe because, like the stories I write, I was a sucker for unrequited love. I thought that love was synonymous to sacrifice, to pain. If you're hurting so much, then that must be love. And I cried bucket of tears for those guys. But Babe proved me wrong. He showed me that there are no compromises for true love. No excuses, no hangups. Its either you want to be with the person or you don't. And he loves being with me. If those guys got buckets from me, Babe had barrels. I've cried over him more than I have cried for all those previous guys combined. He also has chapters in the heartbroken side of my diary. No previous experience could ever prepare me for the rollercoaster ride that was me and Babe. But each time he made me cry, he replaced every tear with truckloads of love and laughter. He got me writing on the happy heart pages of my journal every so often. He makes me so happy its contagious. I was never the trooper kinda girl, but with him I feel so alive, its like I always want to share my happiness with other people. I learned to laugh at silly jokes, when my close friends know that I hated corny before (not that he's corny, he's the funniest man I know!). He's not perfect, but the longer I get to know him, the more I understand how perfect we are for each other. How we can make each other saway, and really just understand each other's quirks, strengths and weaknesses. He makes me want to become a better person, and I think the same is true for him with me.
It got me thinking, that those past men were merely stopovers, footnotes in my love story. They were not my "one great love." Because if it was so great, then why did it end in the first place? (For the record, I have forgiven these guys and even managed to be good friends with some of them. Maybe it wasn't entirely their fault anyway, but it really doesn't matter anymore)
There's really no point in comparing, because Babe is waaaay greater in every aspect. But with us, there really is no end. We might have the biggest of fights, but we never walk out on each other. We know that in the end, it is still us and love still outweighs our differences that we just have to work out our issues. That is certified forever material. I love him with all of me. And before I get too mushy, I just know, from the very start, when we prayed as a couple and offered our relationship to the Lord, that He was God's gift to me. He was the answered prayer that might have took a long time to arrive, but was very well worth the wait. I realized then, that things doesn't have to end, people don't have to leave for you to realize that they are the one you are looking for. Somehow, you will just feel that the search is over because you've found them and they are for keeps. I could state a million things to let you know why I'm marrying babe, but they probably wont fit in this blog, and really, no one else's opinion matter than mine and his. :)
I almost gave up once and thought that maybe this kind of love (romantic) is not for me, but I thank the Lord for being true to His promise in giving me the awesome awesome guy I have always dreamed about. I'm so blessed, like I have been my whole life. So, is Babe my one great love? Without a doubt, I know that he is. I can certainly say that a year from now, I'm settling down with the love of my life. Can't wait ;)
From One Tree Hill: "Believe that dreams come true everyday... Because they do."
