Can I tell you a secret?

I look at other brides photos and wedding videos to keep me motivated.

Yes, even those brides that I do not know. and I do that everyday, or almost everyday when I have the time.

I am a bit picky though. Imagine if I would look at all brides and all websites all the time. I have several favorites. Websites of several local wedding suppliers. I am partial to those who talk candidly and lovingly about their couples.

Some of my favorites are Veluz Reyes' blog, Jason Magbanua, Mangored, 30-FPS, Phoeben Teocson, K by Cunanan, Cecilio Abad...and of course, Jeff and Lisa. Not all of them are my suppliers of course, but I like looking at beautiful gowns and gorgeous and happy brides captured on film, or in photos.

Why? Maybe because apart from those magazine brides, those perfect photos in the glossies, those brides let me know that its real... that everything we're working hard for, what we want, what we imagine, what we dream of, it really happens! So if it happened to them, it could definitely happen to me.

So I need to work... for that slender body, for that glowing skin, for that picture-perfect grin, for the wedding that I have always dreamed of. And if it takes overcoming an unbelievable schedule, stressful decision-making and an almost impossible budget, I will so willingly brave it.

Just so at the end of the day, I can look at all our wedding pictures and videos, and marvel at what I did for love. And when all the memories fade and looking at pictures and videos is the last thing on my mind, I'll know that one thing remains: the man of my dreams holding my hand forever and ever.

Booked our flights! :)

YES!! :)

the resort and the whole trip's itinerary is still in the works, but their rates won't really change as fast as the airlines...

I'm so happy!! :)) will my true girl friends please get me tons of bathing suits on my shower party (if they're throwing me one)? :) and I will also need a rashguard :))

Another vanity post? Read it then tell me.

Okay so its February.
Just a few months to go before the big day comes.

Yes, its the day that I might have been dreaming of for a long, long time - guilty as charged. Of course, when I think of my wedding day, I imagined myself to be as svelte and as beautiful as I can ever be. The terms radiant, blooming, effortless, chic, gorgeous and even goddess-like might have come up.

Okay, I may have a bit too much high regard for myself. My parents brought me up telling me I'm beautiful, which has been reaffirmed by some third party like relatives and friends. So I might not have gotten over that.

Lately though, I have been feeling like I look like crap. Should I blame it on the hormones and the lack of exercise? I don't know. Its just that I'm supposed to be radiant already, but instead I look dull and tired. My main problem though, is my figure. I've put on so much weight that I could almost pass for a gay-bride. It's because I'm not the chubby type. I'm big-boned and bulky so I don't look cute like some plus-sized brides. I''m meant to be long and lean. So now I look masculine. Its so sad. I'm supposed to be at my prime, but at the look of it, it seemed like I've already let myself go.

I saw wedding pictures of a batchmate of ours on Facebook. She looked absolutely stunning and beautiful. I was so jealous. Well, she has always been one of the prettiest girls in the batch. Of course, we're way past that.

Its just that, when I look at other brides, they seem so radiant, so calm and collected. And I look at my reflection in the mirror - big face, double chin, facial hair and all, so I thought, am I gonna be the only awkward-looking bride in history? Will I be the first exception to the connotation that brides are the most beautiful on their wedding day?

NO. I should not let that happen. I'm fighting it. I claim that I will be beautiful on my wedding day. Come on, its not like a total makeover and transformation is required. I believe that I have the "goods", so there's really no need to pull off a miracle. I need to look better though; the best that I can be. If I have to work doubly, even ten times hard for it, I would. There's no surrender. I still have some more months to go. To lose two sizes, to have fairer skin; to load up on all that Vitamin C and E which will supposedly give me a radiant glow. And those skin products, I'll take all that I can; and to exercise as much as I can, at least three times a week. And I need to go back to boxing.

Why am I so into this? Well, aside from the fact that I have dreamed about this day for a long, long time so less than stunning is simply unacceptable, its because I'm marrying the man of my dreams. And for the longest time that we have been together, I have strived to be the girl in his. To be the best person, girlfriend, friend, partner that I can be - his dream girl. And our wedding day will sort of be the culmination, the affirmation that indeed, I am that girl. The girl he wished to be with for the rest of his life. The face that he will see when he opens his eyes in the morning. I want him to take one look at me and know, right at that moment, that he made the right choice.

Just yesterday, as we were discussing wedding preps over email, I realized that Babe was getting so anxious about the wedding budget. So I asked him why, and the next words he said just moved my heart from its very core: "Mahal na mahal kita Ming. I want you to be the star on our wedding day, at gagawin ko lahat para matupad yun." Those words alone, and the boxing match is over. I've already won first place, if life was a race.

When I walk in, I want people to think, even for a split-second, that Babe is the luckiest guy in the world for marrying me. And not that I'm this girl who just got lucky someone loved her enough to marry her at that state. Both are kind of true though. I'm lucky, he's lucky. We are both very blessed to have found our true love, at an early age, so they say.

I know thinking and talking about my appearance too much may sound so superficial, but really, I will only get married once. Is it so bad to want something that will give you great memories for the rest of your life?

When I'm old and wrinkly, I want to be able to look at my wedding photos and remember how I, beautiful and still in my prime, married the love of my life and lived happily together forever.

About the dress - somebody stop me! :P

(January 12, while Babe is asleep)

I haven't told you yet how much I love my wedding dress... :))

If there's one aspect of the wedding that I have daydreamed about most, next to the groom of course, it would be the dress. I know, its the girly-girl in me. Long before I have been engaged, I was already dreaming about my wedding dress. I have sketched it many times; pictured in my head that long white dress, with a beautiful train, flowing with me as I walk down the aisle. You know how some girls have that wedding dress dream, some girls don't. I do. In fact, its one thought that relaxes me and puts me to sleep at night. What? It's a girl thing.

So, when did I know that Tito Dan would be making my wedding dress? Maybe during Kuya JB at Ate Tina's wedding, when I saw the bride walk down the aisle in a Dan Cadiz creation. It was simple yet stunning. Probably the most simple from him that I saw. But the bride was so confident and felt pretty in her wedding gown. That moment, I knew that there was no looking elsewhere.

Tito Dan and I have been kinda chatty for several years now since Mama, Kaye and I would always go to him when we are in need of a dress for events; Kaye's debut, her prom, my graduation, a relative's wedding, and all those years, he hasn't let us down. We just come up with the cut, a design, something simple we saw from a magazine or on TV, and he gives us something... bonggacious - sorry, there is just no suitable alternative for the word. What he makes for us is always prettier than we imagine. Sometimes we are taken aback by his boldness to create such a design for us, but he is always confident that we can pull it off. He treats us like his muses which is why I'm always comfortable with him and his designs.

Now about the design that he made for me... for this one particular dress that will be the culmination of all the gowns I had in my life.

So I showed Tito Dan a picture I saw in a magazine. Its a dress by Romona Keveza, an international fashion designer. Its really just simple but elegant and romantic. Girly but not princess-y. Or maybe it is somehow a princess dress, but not a Cinderella ballgown. So I explained to him what I'm visualizing (as a client, I'm very expressive on what I want, and keen on details): the cut, the color, the texture and weight of the fabric; the restrictions - not too low on the front (I don't want to get in an argument with Babe about it on our wedding day), minimal beadwork. Instantly after that, he sketched a dress for me. And it was beautiful. It's flirty, flowy, offbeat and romantic. It wasn't exactly how I pictured my wedding dress to be, but unexplainably, I was blown away.

It wasn't the dress I saw in my head a thousand times, but one look at it and I knew it was me. Maybe its not me in my constant state yet, but its the woman that I want to be. Its the dress I want to wear when I'm meeting the love of my life down the aisle. It was gorgeous and breathtaking. I loved it instantly and I'm so excited to see it come to life and wear it.

I know I just saw the initial sketch, but I already have a good, unshakable feeling about it. I know Dan Cadiz wouldn't disappoint. After all, he waited a long time for this, he said so himself. Which is why I'm very confident that it's gonna turn out beautifully.

Now that the arrangements for the dress have been made, I only have to work on the body, which should do justice to the dress. I need a leaner frame by mid-February or the end of February when I would be having my measurements taken. Like Tito Dan said, I'll get married only once, when all eyes would be on me. So I should do whatever is needed to look and feel beautiful on that day. Diet and exercise it is. I can do it, I know I can. All for the dream dress and my babe's face when he sees me walking towards him. See? the groom is always number one on my daydream list ;)

(Sorry, I can't post pictures of the peg and the sketch. I want it to be a surprise for most.)

City Hall visit - January 4

(wrote this in Hillsborough Court, while Babe is playing basketball with our friends)

We went to the City Hall this morning to inquire about getting a Marriage License at the Civil Registry. As I expected, we weren't able to apply because it's still not within the four-month validity. We have to prepare the documents though in time for Babe's arrival in May, then we can apply.

There wasn't much action there and we were even out of the City Hall in 15 minutes, but well, doing or taking care of the legal requirements kinda says "This is It" for me. This wedding is really happening. It's like Babe's saying "Sure na!" in a game show and whether he wins or loses, he'll stand by his answer. He's ready to spend the rest of his life with me, and we're getting some papers to prove it. Yay! :)) It makes me feel giddy and super excited for another great life. More happy days ahead!

Pamamanhikan

January 3 was our Pamamanhikan! :)

It was, if I could say so, the easiest, lightest pamamanhikan in Philippine history. I was even nervous the night before, because of all the horror stories our friends told us about the dreaded event. But our version would probably be the lightest, most stress-free version of the tradition.

My meeting with Babe the night before the event was even more serious than the event itself!

It was fun, the food was great, the conversation was light. My parents were such gracious hosts! Papa tried to chat up every single member of Babe's family, which is a big deal, because usually my dad just goes down for a while then stays in his office every time there is a party in the house. But he sat there and talked to them while the dining room was being set. Of course, Mama made each one very comfortable like she always do. Babe's family was quiet, but very pleasant. They were on time and very well-prepared.

When the food was ready, we all proceeded to the dining area to have lunch. Papa led us all into prayer. It was short but really good. What do you expect? I got my impromptu speech and writing skills from him.

After lunch where we everyone casually chatted, Babe and I called the meeting to order. Its so like me to call everyone to their places so that we could get the agenda moving. As to be expected from this O.C. Bride, we prepared a script that I asked Babe to discuss. And as to be expected from my ever-charming groom, he brought the laughter to the table. The talk about the wedding was brief; I guess its because almost everything has been taken cared of (by Babe and I) and they didn't have to worry about anything. Plus the fact that we have a mind of our own and they don't have much say about the matter. It helped that they were all open-minded too. As long as we're happy, everybody's happy. I hope everyone had fun.

My brothers sure did. At first they were shy around Babe's family, but they loosened up eventually, even oversharing about me. All my silly quirks, my embarrassing habits, all exposed for Babe's family. They even said that they already traded me for Babe's PS3 games and a controller. In my defense, Papa said some good things about me as well, but mostly about their happiness that I was bringing a good man into the family. More embarrassing stories about me and more praises for Babe. Hahaha.

What made me happiest though is that Babe came very well-prepared. I saw three or four long-sleeves in the car, because he might need to change into something more formal. He arrived later than his family because he bought flowers for me. Its because it was our fifth anniversary; we celebrated it by having the pamamanhikan. I loved that he bought me flowers. It was really sweet , because even on our fifth year when we have gotten so comfortable with each other, he still knows what will make my day and he made an effort to make me smile. I love him to pieces. How did I get so lucky? :)

And so, with that tradition done and they have formally asked for my hand in marriage, we're even more excited for the big day and our family shares that excitement with us. :)

I know, its been a while...

This is me, re-writing.

What's my excuse for not updating this blog in a while? I know you've been hearing 'its pretty busy' a lot from me lately, but that is really the reason I'm not able to update this blog as much as I want to.

After finishing my project with work, I went on directly to being the best sister and daughter and friend that I could be: went with my sister for errands, Christmas shopping; it was a long list we needed accomplished before Babe arrives. And when he did, busy became me. I was with him almost 24/7, trying to get things done for the wedding. And making the most of his vacation here: trips to the dentist, dermatologist, physician, basketball games, out with friends, with family, out of town trips, visiting friends, buying stuff, pamamanhikan, etc. Of course, there were the holidays Christmas and New Year, and the birthday streak here in the Labayen household.

I'm catching my breath just now, after he left... and while looking for a part-time job at the same time. It's been a great month though, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

The good news is, I can finally go on full-blast with the wedding preps! :) Yaaay!!

And, while I was "on-leave," my parents got me a journal that I can bring with me anywhere. Of course, I was only able to write on it after the pamamanhikan, and you'll never guess where I do most of my writing. In basketball courts while Babe is playing basketball, or when he's still asleep in his room. I was THAT preoccupied when he's with me and he's up. I loved every bit of it though. I know I'm liking having the free time now, but I would rather have him close to me while I write.

Anyway, here are some bits about the wedding that I wrote on my journal. I'm so excited to re-write the part about my wedding dress! :))

Here is Cams the bride, and she's back on blogspot!