On motherhood

I know, I know, yesterday was Mothers Day and all. I celebrated it with my family and gave gifts to my mom, Babe's mom, a close family friend and soon to be brother's girlfriend. It was all good. I tried to extend a greeting to my mommied friends in facebook as my cellphone chose to lose its battery on a day when we have no available chargers at home. Anyway, I just realized, despite the nauseating cheesiness brought about by all the advertising, that there really is something special in motherhood.

I don't know if its just the season, or a sudden jolt in my insides at the thought of becoming a mother. Its weird. I know I have always wanted to become a wife, and a bride. But I don't know where this feeling came from, that I suddenly had this burning desire to be a mom. It was like suddenly, I was aching, yearning for it.

I received great news today, that my future brother-in-law and his girlfriend are expecting their second child. Another angel in the family. Another cute pamangkin that brings out the doting side of me. But at the corner of my heart, there was a thump. Because here they are, already expecting their second blessing. While I'm not even sure if I will have the opportunity to bear a child.. I have polysistic ovaries... I have been 'irreg' since I had my period. And somehow, this causes me to worry. Because there is a possibility that I may not be pregnant...ever. This thought breaks my heart in many, many ways. Contemplating on my status right now, I realized, that if I get married and would end up barren, not only am I deprived of this blessing, but also the most important person in my life. My fiancee is great with kids, and I know he would love to be a father in the future. I would be soo heartbroken if that dream doesn't come true for him. As for me...

I know I was never the nurturing motherly type except in the company of my rather childish friends, and I'm deathly afraid of giving birth. But recently, just out of nowhere, there was a loud cry in my heart, and my spirit calls out to the Father, saying "I want to be a mom."

Well of course not this instant, but at the right time. I just feel it. That I can do anything today for that promise to be fulfilled in the future. I don't even know if I will be good at it, but I know that I would give anything for it. Please, please, let me be...

Sigh... I am praying for it now. I know it will be God's call...and I know He knows whats best for me, so, I rest my case and leave it up to Him.

For all the mothers out there, you are blessed. Love your blessings.

get ready...

i think i found them...P/V

It's always a long read with me... although I try to be as entertaining and brief as possible =)

Of all the suppliers that I will be getting for my wedding, the photo and video suppliers are one of those that I'm most excited and dreading to meet. Why? Maybe because what I'm asking from them will represent our wedding in a lifetime sense. I mean, there's no faking the quality of photos and videos, and if its not good, it will haunt you forever. Its not like you can throw them away after the wedding if you don't like them. They should be undeniably, obviously, incontestably good.

And for this reason, that I can't really have my way when it comes to the budget. Unlike the flowers that I can opt to get just white flowers for the reception, simple drapes, or in the caterer to just serve one dessert or not to include certain amenities to lessen the cost, I can't ask the photographer and videographer to not take shots of certain things in the wedding, or substitute their expensive equipments; what I'm trying to say is, whatever amount they're charging, its probably worth it, and more. And therefore, I knew that if I like my wedding pictures and videos to be one that I will love for a lifetime, we would have to shell out more than what h2b is used to. I love him for being this simple and modest person, but sometimes he just doesn't have a clue on how much these things cost nowadays.

Which is why for a time, I have been putting off getting in touch with these suppliers, because I know it would just upset my babe to find out we're spending that much...but, its a non-negotiable. I'm not saying I want the best and the most expensive, but I just won't settle for the okay category when it comes to these aspects. I want those who are goooood....

So, I already wrote about my photographers. Lets just say they are even more than how I expected them to be. They're just real and reasonable and really nice. I'm just waiting to muster up enough courage again to brave commuting in those areas and then I can finally pay the down payment. I love chatting with them, especially with the wife, because she understands me, and she knows what I like. I also love their photos. I actually look at their website at least twice a day and I even bookmarked it as one of my favorite websites to visit. I know I can't stop talking about them, and if I can just post a sample of their pictures here, or even tell you who they are but I'm shy to do so since I haven't really paid the down payment yet, therefore I have no bragging rights. Pretty soon you'll find out who they are, and if you're a w@wie, you probably have an idea :))

Then, there's the videographer. Some guests foolishly size up the wedding through the onsite video. I was one of them. I dunno, growing up from a family in media, and my dad made a living out of making commercials, so I am a little particular to this aspect. My dad makes the nicest home videos I have ever seen and I'd like him to see that I learned a thing or two from him, by having really nice and not tacky wedding videos. But those kind of videos in this day and age comes with a price. Anyway, my siblings promised on paying for the videographer if I get the one they like in particular. They even said the wedding wouldn't happen if this certain team wasn't there to take videos. But knowing them for years, I would say that in this situation, the saying "its the thought that counts" holds true. I mean, I loved that they wanted the best on my wedding, but they couldn't really pool in this big amount of money just so they can satisfy three to four minutes of superb clippings. Somewhere along the way, I know they'll just let sense take over and think it was a rather crazy idea to have that amount of money for wedding videos. So, without their permission, I began looking again for a supplier. And, considering budget and expertise, narrowed my choices to two.

There's one who caught my attention once and I visited their website. It was nice, very clean, very classy. I totally forgot it after because I saw many other works (those who were from uber expensive) that were even greater. Until after realizing that nothing would come out of my brothers' promises, I resumed looking for a good and affordable videographer. I found that they have discounts for W@wies so I decided to check them out (again). The videos were also really good. It's got a twang to it, and you wouldn't mistake it for cheap. I saw their rates and found that of all the good wedding videographers available, they actually have the lowest prices. On top of that, they are willing to give discounts to w@wies. That's really nice. I kinda like their style and judging from their blog entries, they really try to get to know the couple as much as they can. A writer by heart, I also loved the fact that they include snippets of the priest's sermon and the couple's vows in their onsite videos. It just feels so heartfelt and real. I see myself, in ten, twenty something years, with my babe in the living room of our beautiful home, watching our video and gushing all over again when we get to the part that we said our vows, and the reminders the priest said... and really, remember the feeling all over again. One of my w@wie sisters commented that it's a little grainy though...and they're kind of conventional pa rin when you really observe. Most of their clips are romantic, but some are bordering into cheesy. But I'm cheesy. hehehe. They are good though... I was already impressed and I like them enough to consider them.

And then there's the one who has been a household name to the W@W community. I have learned a lot of raves about them, and even fell in love with an onsite video they made for a friend's wedding. They are really really good and this goes without saying that my W@Wie sisters will really start a brawl when I say that they're not any good because that is a total lie. They are THAT good that my fellow bride-to-bes will move heaven and earth to defend them. Hahaha. Obsessing in their website for a while, I thought, 'man, this guy is really talented.' He captures details, emotions, makes things look fun, colorful and dramatic without the extra cheese. Anyway, the rates posted in their website almost crossed them off my list, but I just liked them so much that I really had to ask if they were available on our wedding date. And, just like my glee when I got a nice discount at Nike for my rubber shoes just for asking, I was greeted by a nice reply from the other half of the great name, telling me that they are still open on that date and have a special package for W@wies! Minutes after that, a big smile was plastered on my face. I can't contain my happiness. Babe also agreed that its a really good deal if we choose to get them :) As of now, I'm in constant emails with them and I'm excited to meet them real soon. Its a plus factor that my photographer team has good words to say about them, and they have worked with them a lot of times before. There was just one catch, just when I was about ready to send them my down payment, I saw a post from one of my fellow W@Wies saying that she got them as videographer. She's getting married the day after my wedding, in Boracay! and these suppliers kinda promised her that they will be there for their prenup which is the day before! oh no... I emailed them about it, and I'm still waiting for them to sort it out. I hope they do soon. If in case they couldn't be able to do my wedding, I'll be willing to let it go. I guess, but I will be pretty heartbroken for a few days... Since I was already convinced they'll do my onsite video really well.

I still haven't closed my doors to the first supplier though, because what they have is a pretty good deal as well, still cheaper than the 2nd one and they're willing to give discounts on top of their affordable rates. Tough, tough choice. So soon hopefully, I'll be looking at their websites again, study their onsite videos, and see which one's work really speaks to me. And of course, I'll get my fiancee's say as well, as he promised me he'll look at their onsites tomorrow on his rest day. Can you imagine how stubborn he is for that assignment? To think his laptop's turned on almost 24/7. But he promised me he'll do it naman. Although I'm pretty sold with the 2nd one... Anyway, I'm still praying for it.

Pray for me as well ha. Nothings final though, but I really think I found them =) its a feeling of happiness and contentment when I think that they are gonna be the team for my wedding. So... I really pray, that this is it. A supplier-client perfect match :))

I do hope everything gets sorted out tomorrow...

upping the ante

This blog was inspired by one of the blogs that I was following, Wedding For Two. In Sex in the City (the movie), Carrie said to Big, that her dress "upped in ante". What was supposed to be a simple intimate wedding turned out to be one for show. Well, we all know how that turned out.

This got me thinking, well, I have always known that I'll have a fabulous dress on my wedding. So it wasn't the reason for upping the ante. What did it for me was the month. I am a June bride. Getting married on the wedding month, I had the thinking that mine had to be really really nice for it to stand out from the other weddings. Suddenly I had the urge to get just the best suppliers even though their rates are waay above our budget, invite guests who really weren't part of our priority just so they'd be pleased that they were invited, and make up the need for other favors that are really just add-ons in a wedding. Its like I wanted to comply with the requirements of a magazine bride. Upon reading the blog entry from Wedding For Two, I realized I was starting to lose sight of what is essential. Just because ours was a June wedding, I was suddenly trying to make it special for them and not for me. It was turning into the word that I have been trying to avoid since the start of the whole wedding preps - GRAND. Good thing I was dehypnotized from all the wedding porn that early.

I want my wedding to be fun, heartfelt and personal. I don't want my wedding to be another one of those weddings for show and to get so out of control that my groom will be driving away in a Limo. So now I'm trying to stand my ground on the number of guestlists, with choosing the right suppliers, those who are low-key but delivers what WE want, and just saying NO to those things that aren't really important to us.

But yes, we're still kinda upping the ante when it comes to our taste levels, it has become more stylish and more classy, but we're staying within budget and going for our priorities. It will still be the same fun, heartfelt and personal wedding and hopefully, still very affordable :)

my wedding photographer

Who are they? Well, I'll be meeting with them this Saturday, hopefully. I pray that we are a supplier-client perfect match. I was so impressed with the photos in their website/blog that I think I look at it everyday. Our few email correspondences tell me that they are professional and have good background and reputation.
Then again, they had me at their signature phrase, that's almost same to our wedding theme, and just a few words that describe me and babe.
You might think its too early for me to be writing about them, but its fine, since I won't be saying who they are yet (just in case they aren't who I thought they were when I meet them).. Its just that, when things get too hectic with the preps, or they give me headaches because their rates aren't exactly how much I'd like to spend for photos, I want to be reminded of why I got them in the first place, and this blog entry will do just that.

It's not surprising when I say that I'm getting them for their expertise. They have such impeccable eye for details and their photos come out classy, romantic yet real at the same time. It has a certain light that I think the sun exudes naturally when two people are in love. Honestly, with the quality of pictures they produce, I think they're actually charging pretty low. But that's fine with me, for now ;) hahaha. I have several friends (and relatives) who I believe, can take nice pictures, especially since they know our style and personality as a couple. That's great, but of course, I want a team who has dedicated their time capturing beautiful moments of people in love, thus, they should be real wedding photographers. I can't and I won't entrust my wedding pictures to newbies, just this once.

And then, its because they don't seem like the more popular wedding photographers who will go around making a scene and stealing the limelight from us on our wedding. I have a feeling they will be very low-key, not demanding a lot, not directing every minute of how we should act and pose, but just quietly taking beautiful shots of our most cherished moments.

See, our wedding should be sacred, intimate, and I guess, I just want people, our family and friends who have witnessed our love story, to feel that its not one of those weddings that aims to make a show. There are moments in a wedding that should be quiet and heartfelt, yet vibrant of the love between the bride and groom. With my experience in weddings, I've noticed that sometimes, just to be able to get a dramatic shot, photographers ruin that moment by directing everything. I don't want that for my wedding. I want our friends to be able to come near us when they want to, and would like most of our time enjoying the moment with our loved ones than creating poses. I just felt that, with the way their pictures turned out, that they are the type of photographers who are unobtrusive yet delivers beautifully.

So there... I look forward to meeting the husband and wife team that I will get to be our photographers on June 18,2010. I even asked babe to give me a call when I meet them, just so we're sure that both of us made the decision. I hope everything goes out terrific. Pray for me :)

so busy...

so much to tell, or write, and no time to do it. I'm so busy at work now. I'm enjoying it, but of course, I'd rather dedicate most of my time to my hobbies :)

I'm excited to blog about my updates and show off my DIYs.

Soon I guess. Please pray for me. I think my prayer regarding the venue is about to be answered. I'll let you know. Its almost the weekend anyway, I'll allot time to blog, I promise.

For now, let me leave you with these beautiful images :)

Wedding for Two

I've been reading a lot of wedding blogs lately, but only the ones that make me think and try to be creative, and not the ones that make me want to wallow in self-pity. in fairness, i found a lot belonging to the first category. Just like that of wedding for two, a practical wedding, and offbeat bride. There's a lot, actually.


Just wanna share with you this nice illustration. Simple. But really, if we're turning into show directors-slash-dictators while preparing for our wedding (or in other words, Bridezilla), this ought to put some sense to our weddingporn engorged heads.